Feeling Conflicted

Question:

“I feel so conflicted. I can’t figure out what I want to do. Shouldn’t I feel clear about my decision?”
“I keep going back and forth with my decision, it’s been tormenting me. It’s not a good time. I have worked so hard to get here. I just got to where I’ve wanted to be for so long. It’s just not a good time. I keep thinking about that I told him to protect himself. He said to trust him. I know it’s my responsibility too, but I keep thinking that this never should have happened. I broke out in bad acne on the pills, and I told him I was going to stop the birth control, and he said he would take care of it. He would tell me.

“I just don’t believe in this. I never thought I would do this. My religion, my morals, everything. I love children. I love to be around them. I always wanted children, a lot of children. I always thought I would be happy when I found out I was pregnancy, but I’m not. I worked so hard. Coming from another country. Getting into college. Finishing the program. And I just finished a few months ago. And now look. I would have to stop what I was doing to take care of the baby. I wouldn’t be able to get a job right now. My career would be on hold. Everything would change and I’m not ready.

“He has been trying to convince me to keep it. But I know his life wouldn’t change, mine would. We’ve only been together five months. But you know the crazy thing, a month ago, I went to his place to break up with him. Here I am, wanting to end the relationship, and a few minutes later, I’m thinking about whether we’re going to spend our lives together. I don’t trust him financially. I think I’m going to end up taking care of everything. And I don’t trust him that he did this in the first place. He’s a very nice guy, but I don’t know.”

Response:

Many women feel conflicted about their decision. This is normal. Being pregnant when it’s not planned can be a highly emotional time. While some women feel completely clear on their decision, conflicting feelings are extremely common. Hormonal changes can add to intense and conflicted feelings. Many women experience feeling one way one minute, and feel differently the next. Some women go back and forth before making a decision.

It is often the case that women would want to be pregnant, but their situations aren’t conducive to having a baby. Common situations include financial instability, unstable relationships, cultural situations where it’s not acceptable to have a baby without being married; being too old or too young, career decisions, or health issues. “If only he would feel differently; if only this happened at another time; if only we had a more stable living situation.”

 

Other Feelings

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