Feeling Sad and Depressed

Question:

“I’m so sad I can’t stop crying. Is this normal?”
“I know I need to do this. I’m clear on it. But I’m so sad. I’ve been crying all the time and can’t stop. I have had such a hard time coming here today. I never ever thought I’d be doing this. I want children. I know now is not the time. I’m afraid I’m not going to get over it.”

“It’s not really a religious thing. It’s more personal. We’re in a committed relationship. I’m a professional. I just started on a new professional path. It would change everything. And we’re both planners. I want to plan to have a baby, and get ready for it, and do it right. I don’t want to go into it like this.”

“Having a baby now would be a big thing in our family. Our culture doesn’t support this. We want to be married first. The thing is, we both want children so much. I feel so ashamed that we got ourselves into this situation. We both are medical professionals, and we know better. How could we have made this mistake?”

“I thought that when I would get pregnant it would be the happiest day in my life. Instead, I’m crying all the time. I can’t get excited about the pregnancy, but I’m afraid I will regret this for the rest of my life.”

Response:

It is normal to feel sad. It’s understandable, but there is no need to explain it. You can just be sad, and experience the sadness. Cry. It’s normal.

Many women find themselves crying all the time when they’re pregnant. Often times we can’t say why we are crying. We just feel like crying. We’re afraid to start crying, because it feels like it will never stop. Sometimes it’s hard to express ourselves, because we feel others don’t understand the depth of the sadness. Sometimes we feel alienated from our partners because they aren’t having the same response.

Getting pregnant when we didn’t plan it can be very emotional. We’ve all seen the movies – getting pregnant is supposed to be the most joyous moment in our lives. It can be frightening to feel so sad, instead. It can be especially hard for women who strongly want children but can’t follow through with the pregnancy. Pregnancy hormones tend to intensify whatever feelings you’re having.

Find support from other women. Open up and tell someone you’re close to. Or talk to someone you’re not so close to, but you think might be supportive. Abortion is common. You’ll often learn that they’ve been through the same experience and will be there to support you.

Feeling extremely sad doesn’t mean you must feel regret. In life, we often must make decisions we don’t feel good about. Some people continue their life regretting those situations and decisions. However, once a decision is made and you have made a choice, there is nothing to do but to move on. Life does not stand still. Ruminating and regretting does not change the decision, and it doesn’t help make a different decision next time.

When you actually end the pregnancy, sometimes the sadness intensifies, sometimes the feelings last for a few days, and sometimes women feel immediate relief. If you find that the sadness lasts for more than a week or two, it is time to seek help. Sometimes these feelings are directly related to the abortion, and sometimes they can be a sign that there are other emotional issues that you need to talk about. Most clinics can give you a referral to a counselor who can help give you the support you need.

 

Other Feelings

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